Finding Balance with Over and Under-Functioning in Anxiety

Let’s talk about finding balance with the concept of over and under-functioning in relation to anxiety. Over and under-functioning is a concept that describes the two different spectrums within anxiety. The concept of over and under-functioning can have profound implications for our spiritual and emotional well-being.

Understanding our ingrained, habitual ways of dealing with anxiety, which frequently result from our early family experiences, needs to be emphasized. Over-functioners frequently offer un-asked for advice, intervene, take charge, micromanage, and get in other people’s business. Under-functioners frequently rely on others to handle their problems or make decisions for them, become less effective under stress, and struggle to keep up with their goals. They may seem at peace and in charge, but they could also end up being the center of additional stress and anxiety. I consider myself to be more of an under-functioner, but I can also be a people-pleaser, so I also have some over-functioner characteristics.

My under-functioning is influenced by my own experiences with anxiety. I struggle with social anxiety, which is essentially a form of anxiety that is characterized by intense fear or discomfort in social situations like interacting with people, public speaking, etc. Understanding my anxious behaviors and thoughts as patterned responses to anxiety rather than deep truths about who I am can help me understand that I can change. There is also the impact of shame I can feel when I run away from social settings, thinking “I should’ve done better” or I can get into a thought process of lies to make me feel better like “They wouldn’t have wanted me there anyways so it’s fine.” Shame and guilt-tripping is about unwanted identities and how we see ourselves through other people’s eyes. Sometimes, I can see myself as a burden, boring, awkward, annoying, or just not being able to fit in.

When I seek the Lord in times of fear and anxiety, I invite the Holy Spirit to take over, and humbly let God know that I can’t do it on my own strength because it is limited. He hears me and delivers me from my fears. Over this summer, I was a ministry internship in Virginia and I had to do this prayer so many times. So many times. With making new friends and connections, sharing my faith, leading/being in Bible studies, public speaking a sermon or a Bible Talk, serving, asking for advice/guidance, etc. but I exceeded my own expectations, and it was all God.

Shame can be a burden, but we can find peace and certainty by turning to God and seeking His direction. When we put our trust in God, we experience both an internal and external shift because people who seek Him become confident and unashamed. We can conquer our fears and be free from guilt and self-doubt by the power of God.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
Psalm 34:4-5

It is essential to recognize that anxiety is pervasive in our culture and not a diagnosis in itself. As Christians, we understand that we live in a fallen world, and anxiety is one of the many challenges we face. Scripture reminds us not to be anxious about anything but to bring our concerns to God in prayer.

Whether it is over or under-functioning, these anxiety patterns can have an impact on our interactions with people and with God. In the context of Christian spirituality, over-functioners may be prone to taking on too much responsibility for themselves and others while occasionally failing to trust in God’s sovereignty and direction. Instead of submitting to God’s plan, they can attempt to control events and results. Conversely, under-functioners may find it difficult to take the initiative to step up and may rely too heavily on others to complete tasks for them or feel like since other people are living up to God’s standard and doing the work they don’t have to, failing to fully accept the abilities and duties that God has given them.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

We are all broken individuals living in a broken world, and our behaviors are often responses to our wounds and fears. Understanding that these behaviors are not defining truths about who we are but rather learned responses to anxiety can lead us to seek healing and transformation through God’s grace.

Anxiety can stem from feeling incompetent, unworthy or unlovable in the eyes of others, but as Christians, we are reminded that our worth comes from being created in the image of God and being deeply loved by Him.

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
Genesis 1:27

Both over-functioning and under-functioning are forms of armor, learned behaviors for getting out from underneath fear and uncertainty. My under-functioning traits come from being raised in an emotionally and physically distant family in my earlier days, and when I was a teen it was like that, but my parents incorporated being over-protective along with it so I tended to step back from making decisions and/or being sneaky so no drama from my parents came. Also, mental health issues I’ve dealt with like depression and social anxiety.

My over-functioning traits come from me worrying about other people’s perceptions of me where I would subtly change things about myself like what I wore and how I spoke. This was prevalent in middle school and high school, but now I am more of an under-functioner with this. I can still have the tendency to want people to like me, but I don’t outwardly act on that, I more so just avoid social situations so no one will have the chance to get to not like me. Growing up, I would change my opinions and actions in an attempt to make others happy or “keep the peace” because I was raised to do so, and I still struggle with this. Avoiding asking for help because it seems like it makes me appear “weak” or “incompetent” is also something that I have grown up with because I never had anyone to ask to help me so I just deal with things myself and act like I can be in perfect control of everything.

My experience of being an under-functioner with people-pleasing over-functioner traits, I seek a calm approach to understand the value of finding peace in God’s presence. The practice of calm can involve prayerful meditation, surrendering anxieties to God through journaling, mindfulness to understand what I’m really feeling because pinpointing my emotions can be difficult without it, and trusting in His sovereignty even in uncertain times.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46:10

As Christians, we are encouraged to be slow to anger and quick to listen. Practicing non-responsiveness, or emotional non-reactivity, can be viewed as a form of self-control, one of the fruits of the Spirit. Through the Holy Spirit’s guidance, we can develop a calm demeanor that reflects the peace and love of Christ to those around us.

I usually appear to be calm, but it’s more of a protective burden I put on myself instead of actual calmness. But sometimes, I can even pride myself that I am calm, but when I actually practice mindfulness, I realize that most times, I am very anxious and just use self-protective mechanisms like making myself appear at peace and secure when I’m not.

To truly stay mindful of the effect of calm on anxious situations, I suggest practicing it. Small things matter, and your response should be mindful of the tone, cadence, and volume of speech. Some of the best speakers are the quietest people I’ve ever been around, including myself. This is due to mirror neurons and the ability to match the intensity, tone, and volume of anxiety.

Practicing emotional non-responsiveness (emotional responsiveness is not just lashing out in front of others emotionally, but also emotional self-control within your inner thoughts and feelings that no one sees that can be internalized like what I am used to doing) is an example of practicing calm. It’s unlikely that calm will be the default response to anxious or emotionally volatile situations unless we had calm modeled by our parents and grew up practicing it.

Taking a breath before responding and slowing down your thoughts spreads calm right away. Additionally, staying aware of over and under-functioning behaviors is also important. It’s not asking to say, “Hey, you’re under-functioning right now, it’s time to react” or “Hey, over-functioner, zip up and stop talking so much,” but to name that you’re in anxiety and address it accordingly.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
James 1:19-20

I have been asking myself two questions that become default in times of high anxiety: whether I have enough data to overthink and whether overthinking will help even if I have enough data. The answer is 90% of the time, and practicing calm practice can help me navigate difficult situations and maintain a sense of calm in my life.

For me personally, I do better with analytical abilities, and I can experience stress when my circumstances don’t allow me to engage in those. That’s why my toxic trait is to distance myself and practice avoidance: because I don’t want to be stressed. I tend to be critical of my own work and tend to re-check it repeatedly and like to keep it hidden. The conflict between my meticulous approach and quick problem-solving needs in certain situations can lead to stress, causing slower thinking and emotional breakdowns. Stressors for me are routine/mundane tasks, strict rules, numerous interactions with people, dealing with incompetence, and organizing activities. Under stress, I can become passive-aggressive, withdraw from others, have emotional breakdowns, and lose interest in my surroundings.

It can be difficult for me to ask for help because I’ve always felt like a burden doing so. But ultimately, as Christians, we are called to love one another and bear each other’s burdens. In times of high anxiety, we can come together as a faith community to support and pray for each other, recognizing that our calm can be as contagious as anxiety. Through Christ’s love and grace, we can find healing and balance in managing anxiety and fostering healthier relationships with others and with God.