Letting Go of Anger as a Form of Self-Love

The fact that anger is frequently attributed to the issue of evil or powerful enemies is something I think about. Even inside our own culture, we have a propensity to concentrate on these dramatic enemies, such as the bully, the calamitous threat, or the murderer.

However, I believe that the “near outer enemy” is to blame for a great deal of the agony and suffering that people experience on a daily basis. Not the bad guy out there, but the people we spend time with at work, in our families, or in our friendships. People are vulnerable, and it’s those people who have a power, such a destructive power, to do damage in those circumstances. Where do these teachings start to speak there?

And I think that’s so important. I want to say something about that middle place, learning to stop hating, because the word “love” is so loaded, and what does it even mean? Humans can’t even grasp what actual love is because we can’t truly embody it. I have a devotional book called “Jesus Calling” and there was a lesson about learning to relate to others through God’s love rather than our own. This is because with human love, it is limited, filled with flaws and manipulation. Instead of trying harder to love people through our own strength and ability, we need to become aware of God’s unlimited supply which is always accessible.

Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens your faithfulness to the clouds.

Psalm 36:5 (ESV)

People experience social burnout in different ways. I experience burnout from interactions with people who I haven’t truly connected to yet, feeling like no one really understands me, feeling like a burden, being around someone for too long, etc, which affects the way I love people because of my limits. But when I connect to God’s love, it has no limits. So when we’re weary from social interaction, God will gradually restore to me the energy I have lost over the years.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Matthew 11:28-29 (ESV)

There are those who think that being angry makes you powerful and strong, yet anger actually results from insecurity and weakness. We worry that it implies, “I’m going to let people hurt me, and I’m going to let them oppress other people, and I’m going to be a doormat,” which is very passive and complacent. It has a very subtle, nuanced quality. It might be very difficult to think of love as a force, as a strength as opposed to a weakness, but that is the way it truly is. If choosing love is more difficult than choosing hate, how helpless and powerless is it really?

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13 (ESV)

However, that middle place is very compelling, whether it’s a coworker who’s annoying, or it’s somebody who disappoints us in our friend group, family, neighborhood or community, or it’s the villain that everyone and anyone hates, even — to have some recognition that the way we can be consumed by hatred — or even just an obsession, that habit we can have of going over someone’s faults again and again and again — it’s the same list, but we as humans tend to go over it again a few more times instead of letting it go and healing.

Whether it’s a tiny nuisance or a really serious injustice, we give so much of our energy to someone else in this kind of negative or destructive way because we want to be whole. We don’t want to have wasted a large portion of our life’s energy on someone else’s misdeeds or rudeness. And that’s the process; what we want is for that energy to come back to us and for us to be able to continue in a more generative, creative way. People participate in this process because of that.

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Proverbs 17:22 ESV 

To gain some self-awareness about the fact that we are going over and over that and letting it consume us and bringing it to God for true eternal peace instead of the temporary “peace” that the world offers, we must be aware of how it actually feels to be afraid, to be so angry, to be so consumed with someone else or a situation. We must be able to see those states, to be able to have a little more distance or space from those states.

Because then we want to let go of the greatest compassion for ourselves, not because we’re trying to be a goody-goody or a certain kind of person or match someone else’s energy for how we’re supposed to be, but out of the greatest love and compassion for ourselves.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2 (ESV)

Anger, obsession, and lust are said to be addictions. People believe these things to be helpful because they temporarily relieve them of a problem. Of course, we have the free will to become fixated on things, but in reality, doing so is making our situation worse by making us more and more dependent and less and less free.

We can accept the notion that rage manifests as an internal impulse that says, “This is intolerable; that person did this; this is similar to something.” The inner concept is what emerges, and it seems to do so in an indisputable manner. You must take action. In other words, it has control over you. And that’s where spiritual mindfulness can get in the way by making you aware of how your mind functions from God’s perspective.

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.

1 Corinthians 6:12 (ESV)

The good news is that for individuals who enjoy their anger—that heat-like energy—anger is really linked to intelligence in psychology, specifically to analytical and critical intelligence. Therefore, you may ride that energy in a different way and use it to heal yourself. It’s a strong, powerful energy of heat and force. Instead, as soon as an issue occupies our thoughts, we should thank God for it. Then, ask Him to reveal to us His plan for handling the circumstance. By expressing gratitude to Him, we redirect our emphasis from the unpleasant thoughts that have been occupying our minds to God. It can be applied to strengthen one’s determination. And that is really something much to be ambitious for. That is a great goal.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 14:27 (ESV)